Napalm & Silly Putty (2001)
Book - Hyperion Publishing
Audio Books - High Bridge Audio, Audible.com
About
This is Carlin’s second “major” book, and third book overall. As for the book’s title, Carlin explains in the book’s introduction:
“Sometime ago I was struck by the fact that, among many other wondrous things, Man has had the imagination to invent two such distinctly different products. One, a flaming, jellied gasoline used to create fire, death, and destruction; the other, a claylike mass good for throwing, bouncing, smashing, or pressing against a comic strip so you can look at a backwards picture of Popeye. I think the title serves as a fairly good metaphor for Man’s dual nature, while also providing an apt description of the kinds of thoughts that occupy me, both in this book and in my daily life: on the one hand, I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had. The only difference between lilies and turds is whatever difference humans have agreed upon; and I don’t always agree.”
While most of the material in Brain Droppings (1997) was new, there’s a lot of material in Carlin’s Napalm & Silly Putty which showed up on some earlier album or HBO special. Usually the written versions here in the book have some variations to them.
An abridged, double-disc audio book of Napalm & Silly Putty was released, read by George Carlin. Then a second double-disc set called More Napalm & Silly Putty was released. The audio book won the 2002 Grammy for Best Comedy Album.
Although these four discs do cover a lot, there are still unfortunately plenty of pieces from the book that were left out. One of these is one of my absolute favorite written pieces from Carlin, “Seven Death Wishes”. As far as I know, no full, unabridged version of the book has ever been released as an audio book.
To make matters more confusing, some sites have named the audio book tracks in a way that are either completely mismatched. Others use different names for the tracks than the titles used in the book. At some point I took the time to see what pages each track covers, what the name of the routine is, and what extra stuff was left out. My main reason for doing this is because I play these tracks from time to time on my podcast, and I like to have an idea of what stuff from the book I’ve played and haven’t played before. So here are the names of each track, with the name as it’s called in the book in [brackets] if it differs, and what pages it was taken from.
Tracks
“Napalm & Silly Putty”, disc one
Introduction/Rice Krispies [p19-20]
Cats & Dogs [“A cat is not a Dog”, p71-73]
Last Meal [“Death Row” p87-88]
Rants [short takes p8-11]
Advertising Lullaby [from album, p54-55]
Flying [p12-18]
Sandwich [“The Good Bread” p113]
Cars And Driving [p1-7]
Jesus Christ [p60-68]
Business 10 Steps [p25]
Observations [short takes p43-45]
Beliefs [short takes p45-46, p29-32]
Fussy Eater [p132-134]
Who’s The Boss [“Heigh-ho…” p41-42]
Warm And Cold [“Running Hot and Cold” (butter warmer) p134-135]
Social Situations [“Five Uneasy Moments” p23-24]
Vitamins [“A bedrock solid Alibi”, p18-19]
Pandas [“Maybe they’ll Adopt” p82]
Children [p33-36]
Cookies [p7]
“Napalm & Silly Putty” disc two
Driving [p36-41]
Rants [short takes p56-59]
Airport Security [p47-49]
Terrorism [continued, p49-p50]
Fear Of Germs [p50-52]
Wishing Wells [“I Wish I Had My Money Back” p68-69]
Sex & Violence [“But first, this fuckin’ message” p53]
Dogs Don’t Care [p73-75]
Just For Fun [p124-125]
Camcorder [“Smile!” p90-91]
Sports [p106-109]
Thoughts & Facts [short takes p76-79]
Bullshit [including “Religion” p26-28]
Death [Dying to Stay Alive, Ticket to Nowhere p118-119]
Blue Food [p132]
Declare War [“Golf courses for the homeless” p109-112]
Death Penalty [“Current Events” p89]
Thoughts [short takes p100-103]
Supermarket [p130-131]
Legal Advice [“The Unkindest Cut (OJ Simpson)” p89-90]
Dogs & Forever [p80-81]
Entropy & Disorder [“The Planet Is Fine, The People Are Fucked!” p94-99]
Closing (not in book)
“More Napalm & Silly Putty”, disc one
Introduction to Vol2 (not in book)
Tell Claus [sic] I Said, “Hello” [“Love and Regards” p151-153]
People Who Want To Know The Time [p163-167 (incomplete)]
Favorite Period Of Time [continued, p167-168]
Asylums [short takes, p245-248]
Sports Is Big Business [“Sports should be Fixed: First Half” p212-214]
The Evening News [p177-178]
Ice Box Man [p135-137]
Expressions [“Expressions I Question”, p154-156]
Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread [continued p156-157]
Dogs Come In All Sizes [Dog Moments #3, p137-139]
Abortion [“Not Every Ejaculation Deserves a Name” p222-225]
Sanctity Of Life [“I’ve Got Your Sanctity of Life” p225-227]
That’s A Fine Howdoyado [short takes, p188-191]
Airlines [High on the plane 203-207]
20th Century Hostilities [p236-238]
Telling Time [“Face-to-Face with the Clock” p249-250]
Little Moments [“Life’s Little Moments” p185-186]
Falling Asleep [continued p186-187]
Dogs On TV [continued from disc two, track #5. “Give the Little Dog A Big Hand” p145-146]
Nice Days [p147-149]
“More Napalm & Silly Putty”, disc two
RainDances [+ elevator music] [p179, p158]
Ugly Singers [Short Takes continued from track 401, p158-59]
Secretary Of Being In The Closet [short takes continued, p160-161]
Avant Garde Play [p162]
My Dog [Dog Moments #4, p144-145]
Saying “Hello” [“Hello-Goodbye” 149-151]
No Complaining About Politicians [p234-246]
No Brown In The Rainbow [short takes 169-171]
Grandchildren [short takes p171-172]
Meaning Of Life [short takes, p172]
Religious People [“God Has Got To Go” - same as “You Are All Diseased”, p250-254]
Just Before You Die [“On The Beach: The Movie”, p193]
Euphemistic Language [“Euphemistic Bullshit” p197-202]
Rip-Offs [short takes, p208-209]
Bumper Sticker [continued, p209-211]
A Proposition [House of blues p181-182]
Britain’s Return Of Hong Kong [“Where Was I Standing Last Time We Did This?” p185]
Organ Donors [“Organ Donor Programs”, “Plugging Along” p192-193]
“Tippy” [“A Cracker Jack Meal” p146]
Free Speech [The humorous side of rape p175-176]
Committing The Perfect Double Murder [short takes p229-231]
Fun You Can Have [short takes continued p231-232]
Latest Disaster [“Ready or Not, Here We Come!” (Mars), p227]
People I Can Do Without [p173-174]
When I Was Young [“Beer and Pot” p202-203]
Angels [also Harley Davidson or “Bike Frauds”, p180-181]
Henry The VIII [“A Day In The Life of Henry VIII” p183]
The Red Sox (Socks) [short takes p140-142]
Quicksand [continued short takes p142-143]
Retired People [“Old and Stingy” p244]
Monopoly [p267-269], PLUS a closing not from the book
Not included in the audio book
Here are the parts of the physical book which were NOT included on either double-CD set. As stated earlier, I’m particularly upset that “Seven Death Wishes” was never included, because it’s easily one of my favorites from the book.
Morning News, p21-22
Punk Bands I Have Known, p69-70
Flame Throwers, p81-82
Miscellaneous Ailments, p83-86
“Got Any More Leaves In That Stall?”, p86-87
Noontime News, p92-93
Brave new world of science, p104-105
Short takes, 114-117
Death (cont’d), 119-124
Short takes, p126-129
Not Exactly Martha Stewart, p147
Cancer is good for you, p174-175
Cigars, p180
(Royal) Families Worth Loathing, p184
The 10 Most Embarrassing Songs of All Time, p187
Suicide, 194-197
Capital Punishment, p215-218
State Prison Farms (“Farm System: Thugs, Pervs, Nuts, and Drunks”) p218-221
“I’ll Be Right Back”, p222
Never Heard of Him, p228
Sports Should Be Fixed: Second Half, p233-236
Rockets and Penises In the Persian Gulf, p239-243
At Lease Eat A Fuckin’ Lima Bean, Will Ya? (bulimia, anorexia), p249
Bullets for Believers, p254
The Late Night News, p255-257
I Never Fucked a 10, p258
Short Takes, p259-262
Sports Should Be Fixed: Overtime, p263-264
Seven Death Wishes, p265-267
