28. Various one-liners, part 2


Various one-liners, part 2

  1. Is there another word for synonym?

  2. Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?”

  3. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”

  4. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

  5. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

  6. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

  7. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

  8. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

  9. Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

  10. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

George Carlin did not write these actual lines. A few of these lines sound similar to jokes that he actually wrote. For example, #16 sounds similar to an observation on his album version of Carlin on Campus (1984), on why we don’t have an animal called the “walk”. #20 is joke that Carlin coincidentally made years later in his book “Napalm & Silly Putty”, though worded differently. But that’s about it. As his official website stated, the list simply isn’t his work. These are really just email lists that have been being forwarded around since the 1990s and only much later did they get falsely attributed to Carlin.

A few jokes likewise bear some similarity to those from other comedians. Mitch Hedberg said (to paraphrase) the fly almost ended up being called the “land”, since that’s what it does the other half of the time. #11 is similar to a Steven Wright line, asking “What’s another word for Thesaurus?” But no, this isn’t a list of jokes from Hedberg or Wright either.