8. “Reverse Life Cycle” (Life should go backwards)

GEORGE CARLIN DID NOT WRITE THIS. It’s by comedian Sean Morey.

“Reverse Life Cycle” (Life should go backwards)

“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, and you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating… you finish off as an orgasm.”

This was not written by Carlin. He said so on his official site back in 2001. Nor is this joke by Andy Rooney. It’s by comedian Sean Morey.