Back in 2008, the official George Carlin website posted Carlin's funeral instructions, which he had written on the first of May, 1990. This was posted on their main page for a short while until they update the page again, and the content was completely removed as part of the site's revamping at some point. Special thanks to Heather and Brady for bringing this to my attention; I had forgotten all about it myself!
You can see an archived copy of the original page here, courtesy of archive.org. But what follows is a copy of the content.
THE SEVEN FAMOUS WORDS, WE LOVE YOU AND WE MISS YOU
MAY 12, 1937 - JUNE 22, 2008.
FROM GEORGE'S FAMILY AND FRIENDS....WE KNOW WE ALL MISS HIM AND WANT TO TELL HIM HOW MUCH WE LOVED HIM, BUT HE GETS THE LAST WORD....
Upon my death, I wish to be cremated. The disposition of my ashes (dispersal at sea, on land, or in the air) shall be determined by my surviving family (wife and daughter) in accordance with their knowledge of my prejudices and philosophies regarding geography and spirituality. Under no circumstances are my ashes to be retained by anyone or buried in a particular location. The eventual dispersal can be delayed for any reasonable length of time required to reach a decision, but not to exceed one month following my death.
I wish no public service of any kind.
I wish no religious service of any kind.
I prefer a private gathering at my home, attended by friends and family members who shall be determined by my immediate surviving family (wife and daughter).
The exact nature of this gathering shall be determined by my surviving family (wife and daughter). It should be extremely informal, they should play rhythm and blues music, and they should laugh a lot. Vague references to spirituality (secular) will be permitted.
[signed] George Carlin, 5/1/90
Donations can be sent to:
American Heart Association
ATTN: George Carlin Memorial Fund
P.O. Box 844504 Dallas, Texas 75284-4504
The Thomas Jefferson Center for the Protection of Free Expression www.tjcenter.org.
Fans and Friends are invited to post their thoughts and stories about George in our Tribute Guestbook [link].
For media inquiries, please contact Jeff Abraham @ [email address].